went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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