You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
