Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
