Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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