I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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