Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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