I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
