I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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