whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
