the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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