I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
