Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
