my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
