woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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