hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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