I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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