he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
