and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
