he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
