She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
