i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
