I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let's get the cat blown out
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
