mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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