the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
