Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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