Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just made out with a guy for $7.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
