his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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