When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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