why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Randomize
