You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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