I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
