Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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