I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
