How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
