I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
