Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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