and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
