i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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