Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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