She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
