Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
