Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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