life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
