I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
