Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
