You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
