I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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