I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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