Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
