so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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