i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
