is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
