I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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