I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
