I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want is dick and wine.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
