Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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