I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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