you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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