I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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