Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
