He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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