Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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