Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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