Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
