I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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