Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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