i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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