____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
