I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
