I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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