I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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