he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
